


Lethal Decisions

by cadkitten



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Angst, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:40:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve makes some decisions that he regrets during the battle and the results force him to admit a few things that he hadn't planned on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lethal Decisions

**Author's Note:**

> From LCAD.  
> Beta Readers: sakura_ame  
> Song[s]: "Missa syllabic" by Tonu Kaljuste, Estonian National Symphony Orchestra, Tiit Kogerman, Vilve Hepner, Evelin Saul, Mati Turi, Aarne Talvik & Kaira Urb

Steve sat at the table inside the small restaurant, his emotions in a virtual upheaval. Outwardly, he looked as though he were honestly just tired... or perhaps bored. But on the inside, he was utterly miserable. His heart ached within his chest and his fingers shook ever so slightly as he lifted his food to his mouth, taking a bite and placing it back down in the basket. Every once in a while, he cast Tony the shortest of looks, worry clear as daylight in his eyes in those moments. Twice he caught Natasha looking at him after he looked away from Tony, a knowing look shining in her eyes. But he simply ignored it... ignored her. There was little point in what was boiling beneath the surface and he knew it more than he knew anything else in those moments.

His mind drifted over the last moments of battle, over what Tony had given... that he'd been more than willing to give his life for those of the rest of the city. And then his mind found the images of Tony falling from the sky... how he'd felt knowing he had been the one to order the portal be shut even with Tony on the other side of it. Unbidden the image of Tony's blank face, the way he'd looked when Steve had thought him dead, came to his mind and it took everything he had not to let out the emotions that wanted to bubble up from inside him.

He stood, excusing himself from the table and made his way to the bathroom. Once the door was shut firmly behind himself, he leaned over the single sink, his head bowed, hands gripping the peach-colored porcelain in a grip that was nearly too strong for its own good. He'd given the order that had nearly killed Tony in the end... that would be on him forever, even if Tony didn't know it... everyone else did. The good soldier, the solid leader... he'd done what he needed to do, but it didn't change how he felt about what could have happened because of him. And it surely didn't change how he felt now, staring into the sink before him as little droplets of liquid plopped into the basin, the quiet sound seeming to echo within his mind's walls. 

He took in an unsteady breath and pushed himself upright again, turning on the sink and washing his hands, then his face. He tugged out a few paper towels and dried himself off with them as best he could. Normally anger would have been his response to such a thing... unrestrained beatings of the punching bag in the gym. But beneath the hardened soldier there was still the boy he'd once been: determined and faithful... headstrong and yet willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good, emotionally wounded. The fact that that man still resided beneath everything he'd been trained to be sometimes frustrated him, but now it only hurt him more. If he'd only cared just a little more in the heat of the moment... if he'd only acknowledged his emotions for what they were long before... he'd have waited longer to give that order, seen Tony falling through before he closed it off and he'd have so much less weight on his shoulders than he did now.

But he hadn't. He hadn't waited and he surely hadn't managed to save himself the horrors of how he had felt from the very second he thought Tony dead to this very instant as he stared at himself in the bathroom mirror, seeing a man he barely recognized staring back at him.

Pulling open the door, he deposited the paper towel in the trash can and stepped out, only to be confronted by the shadow of Tony's suit in the shadows across the small hallway. The other stepped away from the wall, slowly revealing himself from the darkness into the single oval of light falling on the cement floor. His eyes met Steve's and for an instant, the older man's breath caught, a shiver attempting to work through him, though he stopped it from doing so. "Natasha said you wanted to speak with me."

Of course she had... ever the observant one when it came to emotional upheaval... naturally it had been Natasha who had it all figured out and had decided to force Steve to talk about how he felt. And he knew Tony wouldn't let it go, naturally he wouldn't. It just wasn't in him to know something was going on and not get every single answer he wanted before he backed off. Steve breathed out a soft sigh and shook his head, "Not here... later."

"In which case, you're coming home with me," Tony returned. "We'll talk there."

He didn't have much of a choice now, did he? He gave a single nod and then stepped around Tony, making his way back toward the others, leaving the other behind, wondering how on earth Tony thought he was going to remotely do anything useful in the bathroom if he had the suit on still. But that was hardly his problem for the time being.

It took a while, but Tony eventually came out of the back, still suited up and looking marginally less like hell. They all gathered up their things and made their way outside. Natasha and Clint heading off in one direction, Thor retrieving Loki and taking off in another. Bruce gave Tony and Steve a look and then a nod of his head, offering a quiet, "I'll be around tomorrow... as requested," before he started off down the block, leaving the pair of them alone.

"And now we go to talk," Tony spoke up, his hand lightly touching Steve's back before he walked off ahead of him, hailing them a cab, which stopped immediately. They got in and the cabbie turned off the meter, telling them he'd never charge the Avengers for a ride after all they did for the city. The ride was completed in silence, the pair of them simply thanking the driver and getting out once they arrived, Steve trying to pay anyway and the man simply driving off to solve the whole issue.

They made their way into the building and to Tony's private elevator, getting in and standing in awkward silence until it arrived on the proper floor. Tony pointed down the hallway. "I think we'd both feel better about this if we weren't completely run down. Go and use the shower in the guest bedroom. There's towels and everything else you'll need in there... I'll bring an extra set of clothing for you after I get my suit off." He didn't wait on an answer, simply walking off in the opposite direction, leaving Steve staring after him, a perplexed look on his face.

After a few moments, Steve went with the plan, quietly going into the bedroom and stripping off his uniform, leaving it in a heap on the floor. They'd take care of that later, he was sure. He moved into the bathroom, turning on the shower and getting all the needed items gathered up, stepping into the shower and starting to scrub himself off, the steamy room making him feel a bit more at ease than he would have otherwise.

By the time he was done, he still hadn't heard a peep from Tony and he wondered if maybe he was having problems with getting his suit off. But when he stepped into the bedroom, he found a pair of dark grey sweatpants and a worn AC/DC shirt lying on the bed. He picked them up and slid both items on, giving his hair one more scrub with the towel and then going back to put it in the hamper in the bathroom. His suit was nowhere to be found and he could only assume Tony had taken care of it.

He moved out of the room and into the living room area, pausing and listening. He could hear the sound of water running in the Master bedroom and so he went and settled on the couch, carefully attempting to compose what he'd say in his mind while he waited.

It took a while, but finally Tony emerged from the bedroom, black sweatpants and a random Ironman t-shirt. Steve had to smirk at that. Of course Tony was enough of a narcissist to do such a thing as wear an image of himself - cartoon or not - on his own shirt. It was nearly ridiculous in how typically _Tony_ it was, really. Steve gave him a slight nod and then sat back, his hands resting on this thighs, his legs splayed apart as he sat there, still feeling exhausted, but happy to have food and a shower under his belt so soon after the battle. Times of war had never afforded such comforts so soon and he found that while he could deal just find with that, he liked this far more.

Tony took his place at the bar behind him, pouring ice into two glasses.

"None for me, thank you," Steve spoke up, anxiety already doing a number on him without something as stupid as alcohol in his system.

"Not a question there, Captain," Tony returned, the sound of liquid hitting two glasses meeting Steve's ears. He sighed and just closed his eyes. Fine... he'd just not drink it then. If Tony wanted to waist it, that wasn't his problem.

"Start talking now... we both know if Natasha had to push me at you that this isn't a comfortable topic. What's going on up there in Mr. America's brain-space?" 

Steve gritted his teeth for a moment and then closed his eyes, forcing himself to not be annoyed with anyone over what was going on. Natasha had meant well... of course she had. More so, she probably saw the danger of keeping things from one another when working side-by-side. She'd learned her lessons in the past and Steve was sure he should simply allow her to have learned them for the both of them rather than deny what he knew to be the truth. "I ordered the portal closed... before you were coming back through it." There... there was the number one admission, the one that was weighing heaviest on his soul.

"I know." Tony came around the couch, placing a drink in front of Steve and then sitting down, his own in hand. "It was what you had to do and I understand that. There's always a hard decision somewhere and you made the call."

"But it wasn't the right one."

"It was the one you had to make, regardless of right or wrong, or how you feel about it now. One man or the many?" Steve could hear Tony shrug. "it was the right call, Steve. Stop beating yourself up over it. I'm here, aren't I?"

"You died." Or almost had... or something. He still wasn't clear on the logistics of that, but he knew he wasn't thrilled with it.

"If I were dead, I'd not be sitting here talking to you. Clearly... I'm not." The tone of his voice left little room for Steve to even try to explain himself, Tony's infamous attitude asserting itself just fine in those words. 

"I thought you were..." Maybe that was more like what had really happened. 

"You've lost men before. You've told me about it. I know you take casualties personally, but it's a part of war... a part of life." And especially a part of their lives, dangerous as they were.

"And it never hurt me like this." That was getting closer to the truth of the whole thing... closer to reality.

"Then perhaps we should be talking about that, hmm?" The ice in Tony's glass clinked against the side as he drained the liquid and then placed the cup on the table. "Why did it hurt you more than someone else? Was it about who we are? Would you have been that upset if it were Thor or Bruce? Natasha? Clint? Or just me?"

Steve pursed his lips and then sighed, shaking his head a little. "I don't know what to tell you..."

"Start with the blatant truth and go from there. It's really just that simple."

Steve flicked a glance at him and then looked away again. "Where's Pepper?"

"I don't honestly know," Tony returned, his voice holding a slightly bitter edge to it. "Why does that matter?"

"Aren't you two..." Steven hesitated to say dating, not sure if Tony was just fucking her or if they were in a relationship with one another.

"We're..." Tony sighed, "let me put it this way, I was up there dying and she didn't answer my call, okay?"

"Oh." Well... great. Now he felt bad for bringing it up... and if he did tell the truth, now he'd be - at best - a rebound. But... was that really so bad? He swallowed as he thought about it, shifting to try to gain time before he had to speak again. Uncertainty filled his gut and he reached for his glass as a way of having something to do, not because he wanted to drink the liquid contained within.

"You know it's bad when Steve Fucking Rogers picks up the alcohol," Tony commented. "You know, the worse the wound, the better it is to tell someone about it quicker."

The analogy wasn't lost on Steve and he put the glass back down, taking in a breath and then spitting out, "I have feelings for you. Haven't gotten far enough to fully examine them. But when I thought you were dead, it was agony for me. I can't stop thinking about it... about how much regret there was in those few minutes... about how horrible I felt afterward." There, that was as much was he could get out for now.

Tony was quiet for a moment and then quietly returned, "You're not entirely alone in that. You may think you are, but... you aren't." One hand came to rest on Steve's thigh, the warmth seeping through the fabric relatively quickly. "When I... woke up... and it was you staring down at me, I honestly was relieved." He winced a little. "I made a crack like I did because I was trying to keep the rest of those feelings at bay." He squeezed his fingers slightly. "If I'm honest... I wanted something else."

"Such as?" Steve couldn't help but ask, needing to know what exactly Tony's pull was at this point.

The pressure on his thigh increased and then Tony's other hand came to rest on his cheek. Within a moment, slightly chapped lips were pressed against his own, the softness of the younger man's tongue sliding over his tiers making him gasp. Tony took the opportunity to delve his tongue into the other's mouth, twining it gently with his own. The longer the kiss was allowed to go on, the more and more rough they became with one another, Steve responding with as much as he got, groaning into kiss as Tony's hand moved to his hair, tugging at the strands.

Finally, breathlessly, they parted. Steve stole a few more quick kisses along Tony's jawline and finally pressed his cheek to the other man's own, his hand on the nape of Tony's neck as he whispered out, "I desire so much more than this..."

Wordlessly, Tony pulled himself free of Steve's grip and then held out his hand. He waited, hand extended as he stood there. When Steve finally placed his hand there, Tony pulled him along with him to the Master bedroom. He shut and locked the door behind them, pulling the slightly taller man after him to the bed.

Steve settled down as he was urged to do by Tony's movements, staring up at him for a few moments before he finally decided something needed to be addressed before they got too far. "Tony, I don't-"

"I know. I am well aware of your preferences, Steve. Trust me." Tony gave him a little smirk and then chuckled at the seemingly stunned look on his face. "You stayed with me for a few weeks while you got a place settled... and you were... perhaps a bit indiscreet in where you left your magazines."

"That's not what I was going to say. I wanted to tell you that-"

"That you want to be the pitcher? That you don't take it, but give it? That you," he leaned in, his breath hot against Steve's ear, "want your dick in my ass, not the other way around? I told you already, Steve... I _know_."

"But..." how the hell could Tony know that simply from a magazine?

"I don't tell my secrets entirely, you know that. But trust me, I know." Tony pressed a condom and lubricant into Steve's hand and then backed up, pulling the shirt over his head and letting it fall to the floor. Completely unabashed, he slid his pants over his hips, revealing his nude form to the other. He wasn't hard yet, but even like this he was a work of art in Steve's opinion. All lean muscle and sculpted perfection... even the reactor made him all that much more gorgeous. Every scar was a story that his body had to tell and Steve found he wanted to know them all in intimate detail.

Any shame he'd had at all lifted and he stood, placing the items on the bed before he too removed his shirt... and then his pants, stepping out of them and moving to Tony. He reached out, taking the other by the hips and drawing him closer until they were touching, his hips jerking forward at the contact, obviously desperate to find more than the gentle brush he'd just gotten. Eagerly, he caught Tony's lips once more, his hand fisted his hair as he devoured his mouth, finally asserting the control he so badly wanted over the situation. And Tony yielded... he bowed to everything Steve did, allowing it to happen as the other saw fit, utterly without argument or persuasion.

Before long, Steve had Tony on the bed, the younger man's legs parted and two of Steve's fingers buried within him. Even as he worked to prepare him, he found himself nearly too desperate to find his end within Tony's body. He wanted to claim him in every way possible, but he knew this wasn't the time... it couldn't be with how much he wanted him... how overwhelmed he was feeling with even this much.

Pulling his fingers free, he opened the condom and rolled it over his cock, tossing the packaging aside. Grasping Tony's thighs, he positioned him and then pushed into his body with a loud groan, the tight heat causing him to twitch with excitement. His hips tilted and his breath hitched, eyelids falling shut as he began to move. He simply felt Tony as he moved within him, enjoyed the way his body moved beneath him... the way his flesh felt as it gave in to his every whim and desire. He wanted to go slower, to calm down and give Tony so much more than this. But he was desperate and too far gone to even think of holding back. His hips pistoned with a power that was driven from deep within him, his excitement ramping things up far enough that he had Tony crying out in pure ecstasy beneath him.

At some point he became aware that Tony was stroking his own cock, the brush of his knuckles against his belly alerting him to what was going on, but he couldn’t even bring himself down enough to help him in it this time. Next time... next time he'd bathe Tony in attention and affection; he'd make him cum before he ever thrust into him and make him cry his name before he found his own end within him. But this time was built to work out frustration, to admit the truth... to do so very many necessary things, and he was sure they both knew it.

He shivered as fire began to burn its way through his belly, the heat of the proximity of his orgasm working its way through him. And then it was happening, his hips jerking and his mouth opening in a silent scream as he lost it, spurting into the latex barrier between them. For a few more seconds, he continued to thrust, but when he could take it no more, he stilled, panting quietly as he simply allowed himself to feel the intensity of his orgasm.

Beneath him, Tony moaned out his name and then jerked his hips up as he started to cum, splashes of white decorating his chest as he stroked his cock.

Steve slowly eased himself back, not pulling out, but not keeping himself shoved so tightly against Tony's body either. He gently rubbed over the other's side and then slid his fingers through his cum, fingertips gliding over the slick head of his dick before he leaned down and kissed him once more. Pulling out, he shifted back enough to pull off the condom and dispose of it, sliding down onto the bed beside the shorter man, accepting it as Tony took his hand and cleaned it off with a few tissues from the bedside table. 

They lay there in silence, Steve's arm draped over Tony's abdomen, Tony's hand resting lightly on his forearm. When the silence was finally broken, it was only for Tony to request Jarvis to turn off the lights and turn up the heat by two degrees in the room. Jarvis bid them a good night and the lights went out. It was Steve who finally broke the silence for a second time, issuing a faint question to the other. "Will you be here in the morning... beside me? Or was this a one-time-only sort of deal?"

Tony's fingers tightened on Steve's arm. "I'd be a fool to ditch a bed with Captain America in it... wouldn't I?"

"You would." It was answer enough and Steve found, if nothing else, he was satisfied with that.

**The End**


End file.
